closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
