she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
