If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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