You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
