JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
