This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
