omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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