Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
