Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
