I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
