she peed on how many people?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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