my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
