"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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