She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
