I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
