Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
