I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
