I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
