I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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