birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
