ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
