The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
