According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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