So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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