There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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