WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What changed your mind?
Being sober
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
