You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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