I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
