you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
