I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
