Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
