my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
