my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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