When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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