im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
