Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
