You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
