OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
