I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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