Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
