I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
