What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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