you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
