i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
