I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
