where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just had sex bonerless
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
