I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
