hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
