Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
