booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
