Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
