this boner is exhausting
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
