This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
