Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
