His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
