yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
