are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
