All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
